Category Archives: grief

Emily is in Heaven Four Months Now

It is now easy some days. I think of her sometimes and cry. But the spans between those times are now greater. For Glenn also there are tears at times. We have many photos to see of Emily and that’s good. Many days that we look at them we can smile.
We’ve young Velvet to make us laugh and keep us company with Ginny and Corky. It’s very peaceful here. Thankfulness fills our hearts for these things. They are all happy and fairly healthy, with the older 2 having their arthritis.
Like with humans, the holidays bring back many memories of loved ones. This Christmas was nice but I had a sadness under it all with Emily gone. That also led to me thinking of my late parents… Times are different now.
So it is, that we move on in life. We can help others with our experiences but they alone have to make the choice at the end of their dog’s life. It’s a very personal decision and only they can do that. For us, we’ve made the right choice by letting God take back the life he gave Emily to Himself. But every person has their own beliefs.
As much as I want to comfort the other corgi owners who have lost theirs or are in the midst of making a choice, I can’t do very much now. I can provide a link to this blog but I cannot post to theirs or get into a big conversation about this yet. It is just too heart-wrenching still.
Glenn and I can talk about it to each other but not too much with other people. The hurt is still too raw and we don’t want to detail the end of her life. Still, it’s a new year and we are going on and will be able to discuss it perhaps later.
We will never forget Emily who latched onto our hearts for so many years.

"Where's Daddy?" Emily waited for Daddy to walk her in the cart. She loved it.

“Where’s Daddy?”
Emily waited for Daddy to walk her in the cart. She loved it.

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My Thoughts are With Emily

Working through grief is tough. Most of the time now I can think of Emily and all the happy times that we shared. But there are times of sorrow and tears. It was last night and today that this hit me hard.
I realized that looking at the last photos near her passing and thinking of her then, are my worst moments. Tonight I looked over some of the nearly 13 years of photos and felt better. Emily was a very beautiful corgi girl and very photogenic. She would pose and stay in place. This was due to her show-dog, obedience training before she came to me.

I have many gorgeous photos and now will have two more canvas pictures made. I haven’t decided which as there are so many! We went to many places and had good times. Our last vacation together was to Williamsburg, VA in Dec. 2011. One night, I realized that this may be our last vacation. I cried the whole night.

I haven’t been on vacation since then as I took care of her and had my own health issues. Now, I think this coming year that I will go and begin my life with Velvet…

The birthday girl at Longwood Gardens. It was her favorite place.

The birthday girl at Longwood Gardens. It was her favorite place.

Emily's favorite spot here in the gardens. (This was the old pond before we added the cabin deck.) She liked to look over her 'kingdom' and watch Corky and Ginny.

Emily’s favorite spot here in the gardens. (This was the old pond before we added the cabin deck.)
She liked to look over her ‘kingdom’ and watch Corky and Ginny.

“For I Know I’ll Never Find Another You”

I miss you, my Emily! Nary a day goes by when I don’t think if you in some way. Thoughts of you warm my heart….

From 1968, I was reminded of a song that makes me think how special you are.

For I Know I’ll Never Find Another You

By the Seekers 1968, THEIR LAST SONG AS A GROUP BBC

There’s a new world somewhere
They call the Promised Land
And I’ll be there someday
If you will hold my hand

I still need you there beside me
No matter what I do
For I know I’ll never find another you

There is always someone
For each of us they say
And you’ll be my someone
Forever and a day

I could search the whole world over
Until my life is through
But I know I’ll never find another you

It’s a long long journey
So stay by my side
When I’ll walk through the storm
You’ll be my guide, be my guide

If they gave me a fortune
My pleasure would be small
I could lose it all tomorrow
And never mind at all

But if I should lose your love, dear
I don’t know what I’d do
For I know I’ll never find another you

But if I should lose your love, dear
I don’t know what I’d do
For I know I’ll never find another you
Another you, another you

It’s Been Two Months…

Emily was either at Mt. Vernon or Williamsburg, VA here. I had this hat on at both places and she was a real photo op for people. It was a fun day.

Emily was either at Mt. Vernon or Williamsburg, VA here. I had this hat on at both places and she was a real photo op for people. It was a fun day.

On Oct. 27th two months already passed since Emily went to Heaven. We still miss her immensely and there are times of tears that come. Our hearts, though, have been warmed by good thoughts of fun times.
I also had 2 fun pictures made into canvas prints for our living room. One is the Nat’l. Seashore picture with Emily having a t-shirt on in the sand and the other is Emily at either Mt.Vernon or Williamsburg with a Colonial hat on. They were fun times.

I still long to hold her, as does Glenn, and miss her fur by me. I would be out of it by now if it were not for God giving us Velvet. Velvet is warm and loving and has eased the grief a little more each day. She is my Best Friend now.

I haven’t trained her daily recently as we have been busy with other activities, fall house cleaning, etc. but I hope to do it more often after the Holidays. I am just taking my time with her mostly.
Many of the things Emily did, Velvet does, too, and it’s nice to have that same corgi-comfort.

We think of Emily daily as we do things that we did with her here. Knowing that she is safely in the arms of our Savior in Heaven, warms our hearts.

Emily, a Memorial at the Creek…

I took this picture the last time we were at this launch on July 7, 2014. It was a hot day and the sun was shining along the route. When we returned, Glenn carried her to the shade and loosened her life jacket but she wanted to nap.

Emily napping after our canoe trip July7, 2014

Emily napping after our canoe trip July7, 2014

Today, Oct. 7, 2014, we returned with Velvet, our new Hearing Ear girl, for her first canoe trip. We put the dried rose petals on that spot where Emily was. Just 3 months ago we had Emily there. It doesn’t seem possible.

Today is Oct. 7, 2014. We spread dried rose petals where Emily rested when we were there July 7, 2014

Today is Oct. 7, 2014. We spread dried rose petals where Emily rested when we were there July 7, 2014


I’ll always remember Emily there…

Daddy and I miss you so much, Emily!

A River of Tears-Part 3

Note: This is our experience but parts may be very emotionally upsetting to some.
You can see in the last photo on Aug. 20 in Part 2 that Emily looked very aged. She was weakening more and more. She started not wanting her canned prescription food in the days that followed. It was challenging for us to vary it, heat it, and get her to eat some at least. Emily also needed to have closer and more dishes of her Tramadol, too.
A few times she could not walk in her cart but after a couple of doses and food she was better. I could tell she was near to leaving soon. I spent my time with her and near her as much as I could. Emily slept much more now.
The last night we took our naps about 9 pm. She wanted my hand on her head for a massage and kept nudging it. I put my other arm around her, too, and she napped on my elbow. I awoke at 12 m to Emily curled up with her head under her blanket to block out the light. I didn’t want to wake her and got up for my medicine.
When I came back about 4 am, I put my arm on her and Emily’s heart was beating somewhat fast and hard. It felt uncomfortable so I moved away. When I awoke again, it was 7am or so, and I returned to bed shortly. Then I put my hand on her paw as usual and it was stiff.
My beloved girl had gone to heaven. I got up and went to see all of her and I felt relief and peace. It was over. August 27, 2014
Glenn checked on her, too. After breakfast, we brought her in the garden room and put her on her pad. The other 3 dogs came to say goodbye. Corky and Ginny just lost their mother. They now knew what happened which will help them with their grief.

Later, we took Emily to the vet for private cremation. When the pet cemetery returns the cremains, they will have her paw print, too. The vet said that we did the right things. Having her take increased medicine, doses, and her passing away at home is better. (This is a very personal decision for dog owners and each dog and family is different.)

Many vets do this now-increase medicine and number of doses to have a good quality of life to near the end. It was only about the last 3 days that eating and walking were more difficult for Emily. But she still was able to move about on the pad.

Were we “lucky” to be spared the “decision”? No, because we made it our choice not to take her life but to let God take it back to Him. He made her and gave her life. He gave Emily as a precious gift to us for 12 of 15 years.

A river of tears still flows but I’ll see her again in heaven. She’ll be young again and we will be, too.
Run free, my beloved Emily. Auf wiedersehen!

Emily in 2008. This is one of my favorite pictures. She is beautiful and her sable-colored head shines in the light. It was colored sable to the roots unlike Corky's red. His and Ginny's changes to black near the roots.

Emily in 2008. This is one of my favorite pictures. She is beautiful and her sable-colored head shines in the light. It was colored sable to the roots unlike Corky’s red. His and Ginny’s changes to black near the roots.

Grief Began a Year Ago-Part 2

Cont. from Part 1

The cart and experiences I posted here previously. Things were on a plateau once we developed a system. Emily did what she had to but seemed to enjoy the change of pace in getting outside in the cart. She did fairly well until June of this year. At that time, in mid-June, Emily seemed to deteriorate.
I started becoming more and more distraught and cried long hours and days, mostly away from her. I didn’t want to upset her but I think she knew. We took evening naps together and I massaged her head and back. She loved it.

I would take the back of my hand and caress her muzzle from her nose and backwards. She would immediately fall asleep. Emily seemed to tire more and more and wanted to go back to bed earlier. She loved my bed, with the deep mattress and pillow-top, the best. Glenn would put her there at 12m.
By mid-July I was extremely distraught. We talked about the “putting down”. I said that I couldn’t or wouldn’t take her life. Glenn agreed as he wanted her to stay. Since our fax was down, we took Emily with us to talk to our vet but the vet was out. That following Mon. or Tues. was our appt. to discuss Emily’s condition and for me to talk the vet about what I believed.

I told the vet that I wouldn’t and couldn’t take Emily’s life because God gave her that life. It was God who had to take it to Him. It was our job to take care of and do our best for Emily. The vet gave her stronger Rimadayl and found pop-up sores on her abdomen. These were from Emily wanting to be in one position. The antibiotic cleared that up by the beginning of August, and I had to bath or clean her daily, and be sure she kept dry.

This was very difficult as Emily would roll off the pad in the garden room a lot if not comfortable. (We cut a couple of pads from a memory foam, mattress pad that I no longer used. It was covered and then a cut-up rubber sheet, with fleece, used for cribs, was on top.)

It was challenging to keep her position moved all day when not using the cart for potty. Still, I kept reading vet’s articles on the End of Life, etc. online and thinking of the quality-of-life-dilemma. The decisions were not easy. I prayed with Emily each night.

Should I intervene now? I won’t and can’t. God made her and surely He knows if she is suffering. He has everything under control, I thought. So, by mid-August, after my prayers, the answer came as,” Wait patiently for God to act.” Of course, what was I doing trying to hurry this along! We continued Emily’s care and waited.

Cont. in Part 3

Cory and Emily Aug 20,2014. It was Corky's 13th birthday.

Cory and Emily Aug 20,2014. It was Corky’s 13th birthday.

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